ChiC: Beltran or Bust

should the cubs fail (please god) in their last-ditch effort to sign carlos beltran, what options do they have left to plug their gaping hole in lf?

1. magglio ordonez: missed 1/2 of '04 with injury but only 31 and can hit; career .307 batting avg, .525 slg
2. jeromy burnitz: turns 36 in april; whacked 37 altitude-aided dingers in colorado last yr, with 110 rbis, and has hit 30+ hr six of the last seven yrs.

after whom, there follows a steep dropoff in the outfield free-agent pool:

3. ruben sierra: 39 yrs old ---- hit 17 hr in 300 ab last year for the yanks to nudge his career total past 300
4. danny bautista: .286 with 11 hr and 65 rbi for arizona last yr
5. gabe kapler: not to be confused with gabe kaplan of "welcome back kotter" fame
6. brian jordan: 38 yrs old and washed up --- .222 last yr in part-time duty.
7. juan gonzalez: snicker
8. doug glanville: guffaw
8. raul mondesi: howl
9. ray lankford: stop . . . please, stop . . . you're killing me
10. ellis burks
11. gary "sarge" matthews
12. billy williams